Fancine One-Shot
by EmmaLennyEddie
Summary: Nothing much. Just a little something-something, with a touch of romance.


Dedicated to Snowcakie, who wants help and support with her couple, Fancine.

Ice Monster Bon-Bons

Francine sighed as she entered the restaurant. She didn't know why she'd even agreed to come in the first place. Fanboy left her a note telling her to show up, and there she was without so much as a single question. How such a weird, manipulative person managed to hold such power over so many people, Francine didn't have the slightest clue. She did know one thing however.

She knew she wanted to harness Fanboy's incredible powers of persuasion for her own benefit. She would do good things with such powers though, unlike him. At least that's what she told herself.

That was probably why she had shown up. She wanted to get closer to Fanboy only to discover how he did. What he did. It _had_ to be the reason she'd came to meet him. What else could it be?

Francine was about to request a place to sit when she heard the weirdo call out.

"Over here!" he said, smiling and waving her over. Unbelievable! The presumptive idiot had already gotten a table. He knew she'd show up even before she had decided for herself. Why did Francine let him do these things to her? She didn't even know _why_ she was supposed to meet him here.

"Let's get right to the point, Weirdo," Francine snapped in an annoyed tone, as she sat down across from Fanboy at the table. "What do you want from me?"

Fanboy flashed a seemingly innocent smile Francine's way. His tone of voice became syrupy sweet as he spoke, "Is that any way to talk to a boy who's about to get you what you want?"

Francine stared at him blankly. "What are you talking about?"

"Can I take your order?" the waitor suddenly asked, interrupting their conversation.

"We'll split a medium cheese pizza," Fanboy decided on Francine's behalf. "Oh, and um, it's our anniversary today. Does your fine establishment do anything special for that?"

The server smiled, "Yes. Actually our wait staff will sing to you, and you'll get a free two slices of Ice Monster Bon-Bons."

"Really?" Fanboy said with feigned surprise. "Wow, that's so cool."

"I'll go get your order," the server said. He walked away.

Francine just stared after the man, looking confused about what just happened. She turned back to face Fanboy and resumed her usually stern facial expression.

"What was that about? What do you mean our ANNIVERSARY?! Look Weirdo, if you're trying to bribe me with food, I'll-"

"I'm not bribing you, don't worry!" Fanboy assured her. "I just want to tell you my plan."

Francine tensed up. "HUH? _What_ plan?" she demanded to know.

Fanboy reached into his underwear, producing a small, folded piece of paper. He unfolded the paper onto and across the table, letting Francine take a look at it. It was a map. Fanboy looked around, making sure no one was within earshot, and continued.

"We can get free Ice Monster Bon-Bons for the rest of our lives," he began.

Francine rolled her eyes. "You brought me here to talk about Ice Monster Bon-Bons? You moron!"

"Wait! Just hear me out on this. I know that you're the only one who can help me pull this off."

"Why me?"

Fanboy stared at her for a few moments. "...Because..." was all he could think of to say in response.

"What is this thing?" Francine wondered.

"It's a map of every restaurant in the area. I've checked it out. All the places I've marked on here give out free pieces of Ice Monster Bon-Bons for things like birthdays, anniversaries, whatever."

"So, what?"

"So, if we go into these places and tell them it's _our_ anniversary, we'll be eating free Ice Monster Bon-Bons the rest of our lives!"

"Our anniversary?" Francine made a sick face.

"That's the catch," Fanboy explained. "We'd have to pretend to be a couple. I know it's not going to be easy for either of us, but it's a small price to pay for free Ice Monster Bon-Bons. For the scam to work best we'd have to only eat at one of these places, say, once a month. We start here, move west to the next restaurant on the map, and go from there. By the time we start all over again they've forgotten all about us. What do you say?"

Francine looked down at the map. She blinked. She looked back up at Fanboy and blinked again. Then, she stood up from the table.

"You idiot! I'm not going to pretend to be your girlfriend to get **Ice Monster Bon-Bons**!"

"Shh!" Fanboy hushed her frantically, not wanting her to blow the scheme. "We'll split every piece," Fanboy bargained in an angry whisper.

"No," Francine repeated firmly, and crossed her arms.

"Why not?" Fanboy asked, now in more of a whining tone. "You love Ice Monster Bon-Bons too. It's your favorite dessert after peanut butter-stuffed Oreos," he reminded her.

Francine softened a bit. She was both surprised and impressed that Fanboy knew her two favorite desserts.

"It's still stealing, Fanboy. I'm not going to lie about having a boyfriend just so they'll give me a free piece of Ice Monster Bon-Bons for it. Plus, why would I ever date **you**?"

Fanboy sighed. "Why do you always, _always_ have to do the right thing and ruin up my awesome plans? You work hard. You get straight A's. You've earned everything your whole life. You deserve something to be handed to you for once. You deserve those free Ice Monster Bon-Bons as much as any girl in a real relationship. More even. Are you telling me some girl who hasn't gotten caught cheating on her husband deserves Ice Monster Bon-Bons as much as you? Someone who doesn't work hard like you do? I want you to have that Ice Monster Bon-Bons Francine. I want **us** to have that Ice Monster Bon-Bons. This is bigger than both of us. Don't fight it."

Francine frowned slightly. Fanboy was doing it again! He was charming her. He was making her think of bending to his will. Truth be told, she **did** want those free Ice Monster Bon-Bons. Francine knew even more than Fanboy just how hard she worked.

How she far too often had to put aside things like entertainment or a social life in order to write another award-winning paper or organize another protest to save some animal. She knew first-hand that she deserved to indulge now and then. She was, usually, an extremely moral person. Her sweet tooth was her one constant weakness. So long as she kept herself in decent shape, why the heck should she have to fight **that** urge too?

Because, inside, she knew what Fanboy was proposing still wasn't right. Francine hated her conscience sometimes.

"I'm leaving," Francine decided.

Fanboy reached across the table, taking hold of her arm to prevent her from moving away. "I'm trying to hook you up here. Now sit down and let's talk about this some more."

Francine glared at Fanboy in anger and disgust. She successfully grabbed one of the sharp, silver knives on their table. Fanboy's violet-gloved hand released Francine's arm and pulled away just before the blade of the knife could come into contact with his skin. She drove the knife straight into the table instead. He stared at her in shock.

"I'm not your girlfriend, so don't you _dare_ touch me or tell me to sit and stay! I'm also not your girlfriend Fanboy, which means I wouldn't be earning those Ice Monster Bon-Bons. And believe me, if I _was_ ever dating you, I'd _deserve_ something for free for all the nonsense I'd have to put up with!" She shouted.

"HEY! You wanna **stab** me? Fine! Go ahead! Stab me and **drink** the blood you thirst for from my body. But you know what my blood **won't** taste like when you're done Francine? It won't taste like sweet, delicious frosting."

Francine stayed put. Fanboy had a point with those last three words, which he intentionally emphasized and stretched out for effect. It must have worked, because Francine sat back down.

Fanboy's tone softened, trying to be more encouraging. "Francine, this is a golden opportunity. The only thing you should be using that knife for, is cutting _our_ Ice Monster Bon-Bons in half."

Francine hesitantly yanked the knife back out and set it down on the table. She still wasn't quite sold.

"I told you, I can't lie. I can't pretend you're my boyfriend when you're not."

Fanboy rolled his eyes. "Oh, for goodness sake... Okay look, if you're going to be _that_ much of a 'goody-two shoes' about it, why don't we just **become** a darn couple and then it won't really be lying, okay? We can still go to those places once a month, and then it'll be our monthly anniversary for real, okay?! There! Problem solved! Are you _happy_ now, Fran?"

Francine tensed up once more and she blushed a dark red. "MAYBE I AM!" she screamed, now drawing attention from other people in the establishment.

Fanboy pumped his fists in the air. "YES! FINE, SO I GUESS WE'RE A COUPLE NOW!" He screamed back.

"I GUESS SO!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY THEN!"

"THANK YOU!"

The wait staff stood frozen around the table, their mouths agape in disbelief. Francine and Fanboy's server finally worked up the nerve to speak as he set their slice of anniversary Ice Monster Bon-Bons down on the table.

"...We'll come back."

The wait staff disappeared quicker than they had appeared. As they looked at the piece of Ice Monster Bon-Bons left on the table, they both smiled across the table at one another. Fanboy was right, as usual. He really had given Francine what she wanted.

And it wasn't necessarily an Ice Monster Bon-Bon.


End file.
